I AM AS I PROCLAIM

© 2006 Mark Robert Gates

In my journeys, I frequently swam, in treacherous waters, in too deep, and way over my head. I could not have survived, if not, for breathing my own aire, and devouring, my own desire to go on living. I lived off my own wish to be somewhere I could be alive, and myself, at one and the same time. Never, would I have made my journey complete, and claim a self-satisfied I, if not for faith in my own destiny, a horizon above, and a destination in mind, worth every effort to reach. I always, would have an open door, inside of myself, to validate, what I saw with my own mind’s eye, however, I lacked courage to stand for my convictions.

Now, this may sound silly to some, however, allow me a moment to explain. I have always been looking out on the world, and not allowing myself, to be seen by the world. I did not stand up for my own thoughts. I hid my own emotions, and my feelings, were not important enough, to share with others. Even though, I really saw myself, as having views, and feelings, worth sharing with others. I allowed myself, to be reprimanded, to a place of self-denial, in order to survive. I never allowed, my emotional viewpoint's, to be credible enough, to fight for, when other's, trampled over my desires. Now, I reward myself, by allowing my feelings and viewpoints, to be necessary for my own wellbeing. I was not well, when I did not believe in having a successful me, if that meant, someone else was going to get upset. I no longer care, if someone, thinks my success is unfair, or that I should defer, and allow myself to lose. I have more self-respect now, and I play to win, and my success, is of paramount importance to myself.

All I have to do, to have a life I can be proud of, is never stand down to another person. I will think what I think, believe what I believe, and know what I know, without fear, of legitimate reprisal, from anyone. I also, will like whom I like, know whom I know and love whom I love, moreover, my feelings will always be valid. I will never be told, what to feel and what to think. What I think, and what I feel, will be the result of research, in the former case, and getting to know others, in the later case. In the words of, Neil Diamond, “I am, I said.” Only, now others are listening, and I am comfortable enough with my stand, to sit in a chair, and have it listen. Inanimate objects, at least, should obey me, and when they do not they, should be more thoughtful.